My parents moved into a retirement community about two years ago. They got a nice two bedroom cottage with a sun room and a nice patio. I really hated the idea at first. They lived near Myrtle Beach and when they moved up here we lost our vacation spot. Kidding! I really hated the idea of my parents aging.
If you are lucky enough to still have your parents I will tell you this. Now that I can look at it somewhat objectively, I wish they had done it much sooner. The retirement communities they are building today are pretty amazing. They have great amenities and all the “happy homeowner” tasks that take up time that could be spent enjoying life are taken care of. Cutting the grass, fixing that leaky toilet, caulking the sink, painting the shutters…. Um, Hello, Maintenance Department? And done!
Heck, I wonder if there is a minimum age requirement. Can I move in there?
Anyway, now my mom is trying to adjust to life on her own terms. And so am I. What I didn’t really grasp was that my mom is a nut! My dad tried to warn me but I guess I thought he was kidding. He was a great story-teller.
He Tried to Warn Me
We lost my father the summer of 2017. That is when the misadventures began, or so I thought.
One of those stories was about when they went to Charleston, SC to see the sights. It was mid-July, so it was peak tourist season and the streets were pretty busy. They wanted to do some shopping so they walked the streets browsing the shops.
Now, just to be clear, when I say “they” wanted to do some shopping, obviously I mean my mom wanted to shop which meant my dad had to go along. Happy wife, happy life and all that. After a while, my dad had had enough and was ready to go back to the hotel. He turned to suggest that they start walking back toward the hotel and she was gone.
He looked around, no Pat. Poked his head inside the shop they were in front of, no Pat. Called her name, no Pat. Stepped out into the street a bit and looked up and down, no Pat. He started to panic, of course. Trying to decide what to do next, he started to walk further down the street and spotted her. She was on the other side of the street, down about a block looking around for him.
Needless to say, he was relieved but totally pissed off. She spotted him coming toward her and started fussing at him about where he went. That is when he threatened to put a microchip in her, which I found hysterical when he told me, but now I wish he had.
Side Effects of an Aneurysm
To understand the humor in the stories I will tell, you have to know that my mother had a brain aneurysm about 20 years ago and she had to relearn how to do everything. She lost some emotional capacity. If you ever needed someone to show up at your funeral and cry…. She was your girl. However, after the aneurysm she was kind of flat emotionally and easily angered.
Mom stuck to her daily routine of prayers and meditation (which looked suspiciously like naps), crossword puzzles or Sudoku (which consisted of asking my dad the answers), church, lunch, errands….. No big deal, right? What I didn’t know was how much her stability depended on that schedule.
Her memory was a little sketchy at times, but then again, so is mine. She had a way of mis-remembering some details. She could tell you a story about something that happened while you were there and you would not recognize the story because she alters the details. Is that perception? Or something more sinister? Muwhaha.
How to Navigate the Transition
This page of my blog will discuss my experience with Retirement Communities as I search for a new place for my mom that is much closer to me so I can keep track of her. Remember what I said about the microchip, I really wish she had one now. Finding the place is probably not as hard as trying to navigate the relationship with my mom and allowing her to make her own decisions and keeping her safe without losing my mind. My mom has always been a very independent person and maintaining her independence and dignity is the ultimate goal. Right now, she is testing the limitations of my medications!
Stay tuned to read about her 48 hour flight to North Carolina to visit my sister.
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